The Need in Me Read online

  "What's the matter, Mate?" Buki asked, releasing the cup and sitting back.

  Rob was half exasperated by the interruption and half grateful that someone in the anonymous city cared enough to take the time to ask.

  "Am I that fascinating?" he challenged, not ready to answer.

  "Well," Buki replied with a smile, "apart from being cute, you've had 26 cups of tea, you've been sitting in the same spot for over six hours and unless you can tell me why you don't want to go home, we're closing, so I'm going to have to throw you out."

  Rob glanced at the clock on the laptop: it was nearly 10pm. He then glanced out of the window onto a street that was now dark and round a café that was empty, and then finally back at Buki, who was looking at him patiently. He hadn't realised time had moved on so much, and he felt suddenly guilty about the advantage he had taken of the café's hospitality. That, more than anything else, made him answer.

  "You won't believe me," he replied quietly.

  "You'd be amazed what a struggling actor with far too much time on his hands will believe, try me," Buki offered, leaning forward and placing his arms on the table.

  Rob took a deep breath; he was probably about to be laughed out of the room, but telling someone was better than wondering if he could actually work up the courage to return home.

  "Have you heard anything about 24d Bodmin Gardens?" he began tentatively.

  "Apart from it being two doors down from my place, no," Buki replied with a shrug. "Should I have?"

  "I think it's haunted," Rob finally came out with it.

  To Rob's relief, Buki did not immediately laugh at him, he pursed his lips and seemed to be considering the suggestion. Eventually, he surprised Rob with, "You want someone to come back and check it out with you?"

  ~*~

  Rob felt vaguely absurd standing next to a complete stranger outside his flat door and looking at the lock nervously.

  "Won't see anything if we don't go in," Buki tapped him with his elbow, apparently far more at ease than he was.

  Rob pulled himself together at the minor chide and shoved his key into the lock. He turned it, pushed and let the door swing in on its own to reveal a dark flat lit, once again, by moonlight. The easel and canvas were still in the centre of the room facing away from the door where he had left them, but the cushions that had caused him to flee were now scattered across the floor.

  "Those the Morse code cushions?" Buki asked, taking the initiative and walking ahead of Rob into the flat.

  Rob had confessed most of the spooky encounters to Buki (the wanking incident having been omitted) and he was impressed when his new acquaintance walked right up to one and picked it up. Rob walked in, turned on the light and tentatively closed the door, his heart hammering despite the brave company and he nodded.

  "Doesn't feel strange," Buki observed, looking the cushion over and then chucking it directly at Rob.

  Rob caught it reactively, but backed all the way into the door as his fingers closed around it. He felt instantly foolish, because it was just the same blue cushion he'd had for over a year. Still, he threw it quickly at the sofa.

  Buki grinned at his reaction and winked at him and Rob was just about jumpy enough to give him a piece of his mind, but then the other man's face fell in an instant. Buki had glanced at the canvas that Rob had barely begun to prepare on the easel, and, worried, Rob quickly moved around the other side of the set up.

  The plain canvas was no longer empty, in large, cadmium red letters was written, 'Murder.'

  "You want to sleep on my sofa?" Buki offered, his tone thin and nervous.

  ~*~

  Rob shoved his watch and the contents of his pockets, his wallet, phone and card case, onto the coffee table in Buki's living room and pulled the duvet up over his legs and the sofa. He didn't feel much like sleeping, not even after the two whiskeys that Buki had fed him when they'd reached sanctuary, but it was late and Buki had an audition in the morning, so he'd reluctantly said good night.

  There was no moonlight in this flat, it was ground floor and the windows were framed with heavy ivy, so Rob knew it was going to be very dark when he got up the courage to turn off the lamp that was beyond the end of the sofa. He knew he was being silly, he was not alone with whatever was in his flat anymore, but he still felt the shivers running down his spine as he leant back and deliberately reached out to the lamp switch. He flicked it and everything went black as his eyes took their time to catch up.

  Blinking, he lay down and took hold of the duvet to cover the rest of his body. However, when he pulled, the duvet didn't budge, in fact, it pulled back and any calm that Rob had managed to claw back since seeing the canvas evaporated as the covering was ripped from his hands. The duvet flew backwards over the coffee table and then Rob laid eyes on what had pulled it away.

  The room was pitch black, it was impossible that he was seeing anything, but Rob saw the outline of a man, a young man in garb that came from centuries earlier than even the house he was in. Fear meant he didn't want to look, but Rob was transfixed and slowly he ran his gaze up the vague body. When his eyes met a pair that were glowing with anger, Rob cowered, but his terror did not stop their owner. Suddenly his tormentor was moving forward and then Rob screamed.

  However, Rob's cry died in his throat as his whole body went cold and suddenly his mind was full of images and sensation. He gasped as his body erupted with pleasure and he felt the press of dick at his entrance.

  "John," he moaned as the newness of the act took him by surprise; he'd had plenty of boyfriends, he had no idea why the touch was difficult like a first time and he had no idea who John was.

  "Relax, trust me," the deep voice from his dream soothed him and Rob found himself surrendering to the power in that tone.

  His body moved the way John guided and he saw a handsome face above him, smiling and confident as he was slowly opened by its owner. It was not the face he had seen beside him, but Rob knew the man who was showing him how to enjoy his body and he felt a love that ran so deeply it made his heart ache. He saw nothing else but John as pleasure began to outweigh pain and he hid nothing from his lover. Helplessly, Rob flexed below the other strong, muscled body that made his own feel puny and gave as much as John asked of him, since he knew it would never be too much.

  Rob reached up to the face above him and John began to move more definitely inside him. He ached, but it was an all-encompassing sensation that possessed his body and connected him to his lover. They kissed and Rob opened his mouth to the exploration, letting John guide him in that as well. When a hand took hold of his own erection, he reared with a cry and tensed around his lover. John grunted and thrust into him hard then and Rob began to come undone. He could no longer control his reactions, he just keened as he was drilled and shuddered as firm fingers fisted his dick. Lost in sensation, Rob hit orgasm in a heady rush and he yelled his pleasure as he felt John shudder against him as well.

  Rob came down, panting and spent and disoriented, but he had never felt so complete and, shakily, he put his arm up and rubbed John's shoulder. He did not try to decipher his world then, he was just content to lay still and listen to John's gasps for air. However, suddenly there were angry voices around them and bodies and harsh hands dragged John off of him. Rob yelled his complaint, but he was pushed back onto the bed, something damp and foul-smelling was shoved over his nose and mouth and with a few breaths, his world was disappearing. Rob twisted away, but it was already too late, and his last view of John was as he was thrown to the ground and fists and boots pummelled into him.

  Rob sat up screaming his anger and fear as the images blacked out in his mind. He fought as hands grabbed his shoulders, his instincts full of the angry men who had taken hold of him, but he was too disoriented to put up much of a fight.

  "Rob! Rob!" Buki's worried and scared voice finally made it through to him and Rob stopped struggling as he realised it was his friend holding him.

  He slumped into the other man's arms, his
body aching and his mind reeling as reality began to reassert itself. The emotions that the vision had left him with were so raw and dark that Rob could not cope and he began to sob. He was incredibly grateful then when Buki wrapped his arms around him properly and began to rock him gently.

  ~*~

  It took a little while for Rob to sort out reality from whatever the experience had been and he only slowly calmed down. Buki released him when he stopped crying and, still confused, but feeler saner, he sat back and looked at the concern in his new friend. He couldn't help feeling a little foolish, but most of him was aware something significant had just happened, even if he didn't understand what it was. Buki's face was asking questions, even if he didn't ask them, and Rob decided to word his confusion.

  "It's not the flat that is haunted, it's me," he revealed his conclusion.

  "Why?" Buki didn't argue as he sat back on the coffee table, just looked unsure.

  "I think I was just shown something," Rob continued, working it out as he went. "It happened before, but I didn't know what it was."

  "You were more than shown something," Buki observed and his cheeks were red enough that Rob realised he had to have been more than seeing the encounter with John.

  Rob was beyond embarrassment, though, and he realised as he thought about it, beyond fear as well. He had connected with something in the more-than-dream and he was no longer afraid.

  "He wanted me to know what happened," Rob rationalised. "How he and his lover, John, were attacked."

  "Who?" Buki asked the obvious question and then leapt into the air like he'd been stung.

  He landed on the sofa across Rob's legs and then Rob found out why he had jumped up, because the little card case came hurtling at him, landing squarely in his lap.

  "The owner of this," Rob smiled as at least some of the pieces came together and he reached out and picked up the case.

  ~*~

  Buki was watching him closely and Rob couldn't blame him really. He was handling everything really well considering he had a mad guy, who'd recreated dream sex on his sofa, pacing on his carpet. Then again, the card case had moved three more times on its own since he'd begun working things out and the TV had turned itself on and off as well when Rob had asked if Buki had internet.

  "So what are we looking for?" Buki eventually looked down at the laptop on his knees and was poised to start typing.

  "Let's start with the coat of arms on the case," Rob decided, holding out the box, which made Buki flinch. "If he owned this case, then he had to come from a well-to-do family, there may be some history on them. Try: feathers, lion rampant and dog."

  Rob sat down next to Buki and put the card case on the far side of him away from his uneasy friend. The search threw up a collection of images and it did not take more than one scroll to spot the coat-of-arms they were after. Buki clicked on it and the web site that came up announced, 'Welcome to Tregwyn, ancestral home of the Hellyer family.'

  "There's a history section and a family tree," Buki pointed to the menu on the screen.

  "Family tree, let's see if we can find JSH," Rob directed.

  Two more clicks and Rob froze, because he was looking at a very expensive portrait of the man he had seen beside the coffee table. He had been this man, he had felt his love and his anguish and it felt very strange looking at him.

  "I'll take the fact you've gone grey as confirmation this is our ghost?" Buki concluded and scrolled past the picture down to the text. "It says here that this is Lord Julian Hellyer. He died at 21, leaving a young wife and baby, oh, no, wait, he committed suicide by jumping off the roof of the house, no-one knows why."

  "I know why," Rob growled.

  ~*~

  "I can't believe you talked me into this," Buki muttered for the umpteenth time.

  Rob regarded his friend's profile through mostly closed eyes as they bounced along in Buki's very old Fiat on the A303 towards Cornwall. He hadn't actually talked Buki into anything, but he had been staggering sideways towards the stairs down from his apartment when his friend had caught him and stopped him from falling headlong down them as Julian's vision had taken rather more out of him than he had anticipated. He had decided he was going to Cornwall to find out about Julian and John, and he had been leaving with a small bag without much idea of how he was going get there until Buki had offered to drive.

  "Thank you," he managed, again for the umpteenth time, before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

  ~*~

  Rob woke slowly and stretched. He wasn't sure why instincts told him of familiar things until he opened his eyes and consciousness informed him that he was in his own bed in his grandmother's house. The afternoon sun was coming in through the window and, completely unaware of what had happened after he had fallen asleep in the car, Rob sat up.

  He was naked, covered only by his duvet, which was rather a surprise, since he had been in jeans and a shirt when he could last remember. However, what had to have been a long sleep made more sense to Rob than what he had been feeling the night before and guilt about how he had treated Buki crept up on him. Rob climbed out of bed, grabbed a set of painting overalls from the back of the door and, pulling them on, left the room to find out what he had put his new friend through since practically passing out on him.

  As soon as he was in the corridor, Rob heard voices coming from downstairs in the conservatory, which was where his grandmother usually worked, and so, feeling quite lively, he trotted down the stairs to find her. What he found was Buki, all long limbs and dark eyes, lying on a chaise and his grandmother at her easel, sketching him. Rob paused at the door, admiring the way the would-be actor was stretched out over the chaise and knew exactly why his grandmother had decided to draw. However, his arrival did not go unnoticed for long, and Buki sat up when he noticed Rob and that alerted his grandmother.

  "Darling!" she dropped the charcoal she was using and hurried over to him. "Are you alright now? Buki and I were quite worried."

  "I'm fine, thank you," Rob kissed his grandmother and then nodded his open gratitude to Buki.

  The swipe he then received across his bicep was not unexpected, but Rob made a hurt face at his grandmother for good measure as she scolded, "Don't do anything so foolish again."

  "Me?" he objected, "You gave me the card case."

  "You didn't have to go making love to ghosts," his grandmother replied and then hugged him again. "Go and sit down with Buki, I'll see if your clothes are finished in the tumble drier yet."

  Rob did as he was told, there was no point in arguing with his grandmother when she was in control mode, and whatever he had done had clearly uneased her. Buki shifted over and made room for him and as he sat down, Rob smiled at his new friend and asked cautiously, "What did I do that meant my clothes had to be washed?"

  "You fell in the puddle in the driveway," Buki replied. "That's when I realised you weren't all there and had to carry you inside."

  "You lifted me?" Rob didn't quite believe it: there was nothing of Buki.

  "Fireman's lift, you'd be amazed who can carry what like that," Buki shrugged.

  "Thank you," Rob replied sincerely and suddenly found emotions coming at him in a rush. "Thank you for everything. You don't even know me, and you put me up for a night and then drove me all the way down here."

  Buki smiled then and Rob recognised the look in his eyes.

  "You're too cute to let you get your bum kicked by a ghost," he quipped and elbowed Rob in the ribs.

  It wasn't the best come-on in the world, but Rob recognised it and took a closer look at the sparkle in Buki's dark eyes.

  "You barely know me," he repeated, leaning in a little just to check he was reading the man right.

  Buki's cheeks were the most attractive shade of pink then and his gaze gained a faraway look as he admitted, "I feel I got to know you quite well last night."

  Rob didn't usually jump guys, but then he didn't normally get them to drive him two hundred miles after knowing hi
m for less than 24 hours either, so he was beginning to realise the rules didn't apply in his life at the moment. Buki was good looking and easy going and generous, three things that meant Rob was not inclined to refuse the instinct to close the gap between them. Smiling, he leant forward all the way and, just as their lips touched, he closed his eyes. A thrill took him from head to foot when Buki pushed back rather harder than he was expecting and he had no choice but to go with the movement that aimed him down against the end of the chaise longue.

  Rob quickly discovered that Buki was not backward in his approach to the embrace, because once he was partially underneath the other man, Rob found hands wandering not only over his overalls, but the poppers were no hindrance to Buki's fingers as he pushed them inside. The clothing was loose and Rob gasped his pleasure as nails teased his hip bone. Buki was wearing far too much clothing to make it that easy for Rob, but he did pull up Buki's T-shirt and stroked his spine. That made Buki push against him in a delightfully titillating way and Rob murmured into the kiss.

  "Tregwyn is about 30 miles south west of here and it's open to the public tomorrow," the loud announcement came from the door and he and Buki rapidly separated.

  They both sat up, clothing askew, but Rob's grandmother was holding a large map, her attention firmly on it, and she did not look up at them as she came back into the room. When neither of them responded to her news, she did look up and Rob felt his cheeks grow hot. His grandmother was one of the most open-minded people he knew, he'd had all the birds and bees discussions with her and she'd handled his teenage years and self-discovery very well, but making out in front of her was not on his to do list.

  "Ah, well Boys," she caught up with the situation very quickly, "I think I ought to make myself scarce for a while. It is going to be a lovely evening, so I think I'll go for a stroll for say half an hour, let you get this out of your system."

  Neither Rob nor Buki said anything as the woman then winked at them and strode out of the patio doors onto the lawn, and only when she was a few yards down the garden did Buki let out a short laugh and he observed, "Remarkable woman, your grandmother."